scary future

oh how i'd wish to travel anywhere with ted for an indeterminate amount of time. whether it was with our backpacks or in an RV..or couch surfing with our car...i want to explore with him. i want to have adventures with him. but i have to wait..or...it may never happen. his band may succeed and for years it will have to be his priority. it may always be. this scares me. i'm selfish for wishing he wasn't doing this sometimes. and it makes me cringe that i act out of anomosity of that sometimes..a subconscious guilt pitched upon him by my hurt feelings and left lonely soul. we aren't planning things together or even remotely together. i can't expect his life to revolve around me. or should i expect it to emphasize me somehow? i can't get upset about this. i've gotten upset about this too much in months past. for right now, there are minor plans. and we have to do those things. what happens after that is still to come. i don't like so many changes at once..and i don't handle these well..when things are balanced and we are sure and both patient..things are great..i just don't like when we get sick of each other and easily tiffed by the other. i never want it to stay that way. my parents horrify me. his parents horrify me. is this right then? we have to remind outselves that our love for each other prevades all..and right now is a midst of change..we have to know in our hearts. music is a part of his heart. he must pursue it. but does this mean that jake and logan must always be where he is? so its not me and ted but me,ted,jake and logan? i don't know how things will end up..